Validation

This is a journal entry I wrote some time ago, please enjoy it.

Years ago, when I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer I made a bargain with God to do all I could to make the world a better place if I was let to live.

I was thinking about donating al my time, money, efforts to large scale volunteer work. Food for the hungry, money for the poor, shelter for the homeless, etc, etc. I had a plan to visit companies and speak to their leadership to solicit major gifts to support cancer research. All of these things and all the things you do are worthy and admirable work, don’t let the rest of this blog dissaude you from making this a better world.

I just couldn’t live up to my end of the agreement. I couldn’t find the time to spend and continue to live my life. Moreover, God wasn’t paying the bills and if I spent all my time doing what I had said I would do, I would become one of those I was trying to help. We cannot help others if we are not in the right place to do so.

It was about the time I met a man named Marshall Boyler. Marshall is a Thyroid Cancer survivor, too. We had a common scar on our necks and, thus, common bond. We both lived to teach people and got a real passion from finding the right way to teach. We became friends. One day Marhsall shared a story about a letter he wrote to his parents. Marshall is an adopted boy. He was in trouble and these 2 Canadian immigrants took him and loved him. They gave of themselves so he would have a better life. His stroy goes on to tell all the things they did for him and the conditions under which they were done. Marshall was so blessed by his gift that he wrote them an letter outlining a lifetime of belssings and concluded with the 3 words we love to hear, “I love you”.

He tore the letter up. It didn’t get across what he wanted. He wanted to say, “I love you, because…”. He re-wrote the letter and started that way. The letter became powerful. It moved his parents so much, they framed the letter. They were validated because he wrote that letter and told them all the things they were loved for and the reasons they were loved.

I was so inspired by Marshall’s story that I found my bargain with God. I was wasting my time trying to do all the big things in life, when all I needed to do is take a few seconds and tell people why I love them. That validation lesson was wonderful. My heart swelled and I turned on my validation power. I began telling people not that I loved them, but why I loved them. It isn’t always the big things like, you love me back. Sometimes, it is I love you because I got to sleep in an extra 10 minutes while you took care of the dog.

This lesson, this way of life, came too late for some of the people I loved. I never got to say why and some I lost because I didn’t say why.

My story turned into a speech that I delivered as part of a Toastmasters’ contest. It was so inspiring to some it was suggested I write a book…I am, it takes time to write a book.

My friends, this blog is only a small part of validation but here is how it works:

I love my friends for the various gifts they each provide. Love, attention, encouragement, a kind ear to hear me with, guidance and a that they reach to help when needed.

I love Maggie, because she loves me back, it is unconditional and she made my life complete.

I love my parents, they made me who I am despite the problems we had.

For letting me use 5 minutes of your time to read this blog, you are all very appreciated. I hope you got something from it that will help you change lives.

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